remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
