She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
