Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
