Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
