Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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