see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
