If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
