I looked at my own cervix.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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