I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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