I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
