he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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