They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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