I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
