I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
