so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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