Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
People in love make me want to vomit
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
