I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
