My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
