I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
that's an acceptable place to lick
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
