I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
