I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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