Whoa Z and x make the same sound
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
