Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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