HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
