So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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