this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
