I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
