You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
