Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
