Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
