Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Randomize
