I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
