Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think I sprained my soul last night
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
