I wish my penis had an off switch
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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