You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
