Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
