question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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