I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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