I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
