Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
