Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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