So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
