He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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