Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
