How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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