The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
