I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
