u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
