hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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