I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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