hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
