Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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